My teeth are genetically superior. On the rare dental visit, the dentist says, “good job” and doesn’t even give me a free toothbrush because she assumes whatever I’m using is from the future. I purposefully stop brushing my teeth and eat nothing but candy and Coca-Cola for two weeks prior to a dental visit. I shellac my teeth in the plaque of others because, even after my rigorous preparations, my teeth are still clean and healthy.
Genetics may only be a part of it. I grew up where there is fluoride in the water. I notice the difference. People in Portland have some pretty janky teeth. It could be the meth, but I don’t think so. You can tell the native Portland resident by the smell of rotted out teeth and the fact that they don’t smile with their mouths open.
Granted, fluoride has made me insane. John Lithgow and Ray Liotta have mentioned numerous times that they refuse to sleep with their doors unlocked because I stalk soft-footed around the house at night gnashing my perfect teeth and gibbering. I regularly insist that the Hindu creation myth is more logical than anyone else’s creation myth.
That’s crazy. The myth isn’t mathematically sound. But it did develop in me a fetish for shape changing. Rrowr.